Hello, new readers! Welcome to my blog. You’re probably wondering - hmm, why does a graphic designer/artist/UI/UX designer/whoeverthefuck wanna write? After all, I didn’t major in English in University. I didn’t even minor in it. Well, I tried but honestly, it was way too much work with everything else going on with my program. Waterloo LOVES their longass degree names: for instance, my degree says “Bachelor of Arts and Business Honours Co-op, Majoring in Fine Arts, Specializing in Digital Arts Communication.” It’s almost like the longer they think it is, the more intelligent we’re supposed to be, so you can see why there might be no more room on there for an English degree - plus, I don't even think there's enough paper for it.
I used to - and still do - have a love for English. I have since middle school when in the 7th grade I wrote a school play that ended up being an hour long and satirized fairy tales to make them modern day sagas. For instance, Pinnochio was a media agent, who encouraged plastic surgery and had Cinderella’s step sisters as clients. I know, it sounds amazing.
I then went on to write several more plays, excelled in literature, lived through the hell that was Higher Level IB English (Streetcar Named Desire anyone?), and thought I’d live to pursue literature as a double degree along with fine arts in University. I saw myself as Hermione Granger - I could, and SHOULD do it all! However as my O-level results go to show, electing to take ten subject exams actually requires you to study for all of them; resulting in a wildly diverse report card consisting of 5As, 2Bs, and a C, D, and E respectively. My life since then has turned out to be a similar struggle, of me wanting it all but having to work with less - but that’s okay because I’ve really lowered down my expectations since then. Reaaaally loowered.
For instance, my life post-University: I don’t miss school at all to be honest. Let’s be real, paying international tuition sucks a bag of dicks. Due to financial stress and the guilt that I didn’t actually deserve the education I was receiving, I developed serious panic attacks in my second year of university where my world moved around me in a hazy, vibrating motion that absolutely terrified me. It was like the worst high of your life, and walking on the street to school, I was scared I’d get hit by a car. My cognition was so terrible, I thought I was having vertigo and was reduced to lying down on the couch watching Community for days on end. But that had to stop eventually when I *finally* got diagnosed for acute anxiety.
So that’s why I don’t miss school! Learning is wonderful, and I try to educate myself all the time, but I can’t forget the anxiety of having to deal with life, friends, relationships, school, volunteering, and extracurricular activities in addition to never being able to forget the fact that my entire experience literally hung on my mother’s purse strings.
But I have to admit, life has been a little bit emptier since leaving school. When I was 10, I used to dream of being 25, daydreaming about the independence I would have: my glamorous friends, drinking at some hip and trendy bar after work (maybe less of the drinking part), being in the supposed prime of my life. Now I'm 24 and like Cinderella's pumpkin carriage at midnight I collapse into a lumpen, tired heap on the floor. So my solution is to return to writing, in a diary I can't extensively rip the pages out of, and hope that consistently writing/drawing on here fills up this empty space that school has left behind. I also hope this helps you a little too, so whether you agree with me, hate everything and wanna burn it on a pyre, or want to discuss something something cats, contact me! Let's be friends, or further our friendship if you already sorta know me as an awkward Facebook acquaintance.After all, we all definitely need to start somewhere.